 About the book: Set in the 1930's, a nail-biting story about how a colored medical doctor named Dr. Sinclair, passing for white, concealed his identity. Throughout his journey, he met & fell in love with a woman he could never have. After several years of being classified as a well respected medical doctor, Dr. Sinclair is blackmailed by someone from his past. He then has to decide between revealing his true identity and losing everything he has, or concealing his past and forgetting everyone he once knew - including the woman who changed his life forever! ____________________________________ The year was 1938, 6:45 pm on Sunday. Josiah, a colored man at the Sinclair estate in Maryland, was found in the back woods nearly beaten to death. Although Dr. Sinclair wanted to be optimistic about his condition, he knew that Josiah would not live out the rest of the day.As he lay there in the grass, Josiah asked Dr. Sinclair to tell him a story about his life growing up.
“Sure Josiah. You know, I never talked to anyone about my life growing up, but I would be happy to share it with you. Before I get started, I’d like to tell you my first name. It’s Peppa, the name of both my father & grandfather.”
That night, Dr. Sinclair began by singing Josiah a song that his grandparents use to sing to him as a young boy. After the song, Dr. Sinclair began to tell his life story.
Fourty years ago, I was born to Bess & Peppa in a small town in Mississippi. After my birth, my father wasn’t sure if I was his boy or not.
Eventually, my mother would tell my father that a white man raped her coming home from church one day. My father remembered that day. It was several years later before he told my mother that he confronted the white man who did that to her.
Luckily, my father came up with a scheme that set us up pretty good financially. As many times as I asked him about how he got a white man to pay him, my father would never reveal the truth.
With my white skin and blue eyes, my parents felt that I might have a pretty good life ahead of me if I could conceal the truth about my identity.
I can remember being in school, and all the colored kids calling me a white boy. The colored kids were not very nice to me. Often times I would skip class, and go into town to sweep floors in Mr. Tisdale’s candy store to make some pocket change.
I began to notice that some of the white folks in town were very nice to me. Of course, some of them didn’t know I was colored.
After I finished my schooling, my parent’s wanted me to go off to college up north. My father overheard some white folks saying they were going to send their kids to Maryland for college. So, he wrote a letter and put cash inside to cover the cost of my education for several years. He even got a letter back from the school, saying that he sent too much. What a laugh!
While preparing for my trip up north, my mother began crying and hugging me. She reminded me that I was very blessed. Finally, the day had come. My mother and father took me to the train station.
They waited there with me until the train arrived. My father was trying hard to hold back his tears. I promised them both that I would make them proud one day. From a distance, I could see the train approaching us. We all said our finally goodbye’s.
Suddenly, a very distinguished white man was standing behind us. He said nothing at all. My father looked back at him, and then quickly turned around.
The train was starting to move. I quickly jumped on and waved goodbye until my parent’s were out of view.
I was seated in the white section. As I began to eat dinner, a colored waiter approached me with something in his hand. It was an envelope. I opened it, and began reading. It was the strangest thing. The person who wrote the letter said that they were very sorry for what they did, and that I deserve the very best in life. The letter had no signature what so ever.
After my dinner, I thought about who could have written such a letter. The only person that came to my mind was the white man who raped my mother.
I began to wonder if the letter was written by the white man I saw at the train station. It had to be him. I will never know why he did what he did to my mother, but I do know that people can change for the better.
I began to get tired, so I went to my room to relax for a bit. I prayed that God would watch over my parents while I was away. I also prayed that God give me the strength to stay focused on my class work while in school up north.
As I was looking out the window, tears began to roll down my face. I promised myself that I would never forget who I was, or where I came from.
After resting for an hour or so, I decided to give myself a new name. I didn’t want to take a chance of anyone ever finding out about my true identity. I tossed around names in my head, and came up with something very distinguished. Warren Sinclair! It was a name that demanded respect.
Three days would pass before I arrived at the University of Boston in Massachusetts. As I approached the college, my eyes lit up. I had never seen so much beauty before. I remember students running by me and shouting,“There is a party for the freshmen class tonight. Everyone’s meeting at the Scrub Club.”
I was stunned to see the white students coming up to me, and introducing themselves. Sometimes I would forget just how white I looked.
Eventually, I went to my dorm and met my roommate. “Hello, my name is Warren Sinclair, what’s yours?”
With his fiery red hair and freckles, he turned around and looked me up and down.
“Please to meet you. My name is Oscar. I’ll take the bed by the window,” he said.
I smiled, and asked Oscar if he was going to the freshman party.
“Sure, how about we go together. Just don’t crowd my space. I don’t need a shadow,” he said.
While at the party, I was a bit nervous. If anyone found out about my secret, I was certain they would try and kill me. I cleared my head, and enjoyed the evening on guard of my surroundings.
There were several beautiful young white girls there. Some were even flirting with me. As the evening progressed, I found myself dancing with several of them.
After a while, I decided to go out on the terrace to get some fresh air. A few minutes later, someone tapped me on the shoulder.
“Hello, my name is Jordyn Skippworth,” she said.
Immediately, I began sweating profusely. I wiped my forehead, and gradually turned around.
“Nice to meet you. Warren Sinclair is my name.”
She had blond hair, and blue eyes. She was the most beautiful white girl I had ever seen.
Surprisingly, she seemed just as pleased with me. We danced in each other’s arms. Just for a moment, I forgot myself. I gently pushed her away from me, and ran back to the dorm room.
Although I looked white, I saw through a different set of eyes. I took a deep breath, and kept telling myself that I can do this. I quickly had to adapt to a whole new lifestyle. From that moment on, I began to act my way through this new world I was becoming accustomed to.
I studied hard in school and got very good grades. After a few years, I graduated at the top of my class. Medical school was beginning the following summer.
It was that summer I met, and fell in love with, a young colored girl. Her name was Addy. Our eyes met, and I knew that she would one day be my wife. On one hot summer day, I was invited to an afternoon brunch at one of my colleague’s house. He was very wealthy, and we had become very good friends. His name was Blaine Westscott.
As I was sitting down and talking with Blaine’s family, Addy walked in and offered me a cup of tea. Without looking at me, she just stood there until I spoke.
“Thank you.”
Everyone looked at me as if I had said something wrong. I quickly started up a conversation. Addy ran out of the room.
My thoughts were getting the best of me. All I could think about was having Addy as my wife. A few moments later, I excused myself and went into the kitchen area. Addy! I called out. She had her back towards me. Suddenly, she turned around with her head bowed down.
“Sir may I get you something?” she said.
“Addy, I’m giving a party next month at the Gentry clubhouse. How about I ask Blaine if he would loan you out to me for the evening?”
“Yes sir,” Addy replied.
This would be my moment to reveal my affections for her, and to explain my background. I new this would be the only way she would be comfortable around me.
I made my way back into the living room with Blaine and his family. I waited around for a while, and then asked Blaine about the club house party next month. Blaine thought it was a splendid idea, and agreed to loan out Addy. An hour later, I departed for the evening.
When I arrived back at the dorm, I said my prayers and went to bed. I could hardly sleep with Addy on my mind. I started to wonder what she would say if she knew I was colored. Then, I thought if I told her my secret, she might tell someone else. I finally fell asleep.
The next day in class, I could hardly think straight. Addy had consumed my every thought. After my last class for the day, I went directly to the campus library to study with my colleagues to try and clear my head.
As the day of the party was drawing nearer, I stayed busy studying. That was the only remedy for my frazzled mind.
Finally, that grand and glorious day had arrived. Several hours before the party, I asked Blaine to send Addy right over. I could hardly wait to spend some time alone with her.
When Addy entered the club, I saw her from a distance. I’m sure my face was all red from blushing. I walked over to her, and said hello. She turned around and smiled. I guess that was as cordial as she was willing to get.
“Addy, how about I show you around a bit?”
As we were walking, I asked her about her life, and where she grew up. She had a stunned look on her face.
“Please do not be afraid of me. I want to tell you something. Addy I’m very fond of you, and I’d like for us to become better acquainted. I know you are uncomfortable, but please do not be.”
Addy slowly looked up at me.
“Sir, I think I better help the others out in the kitchen.”
As she started to walk away, I grabbed her hand. “Addy, I’m colored!”
Addy took off running into the kitchen. I was so embarrassed. I only hoped that I didn’t frighten her away for good.
Eventually, people began showing up for the party. All the servants took their places, including Addy. She made an effort not to look at me the entire evening.
While everyone sat down to eat, Blaine leaned over toward me.
“Them Niger’s sure know how to cook.”
“Why, yes Blaine. The food is very delicious.”
All I could think about was chocking Blaine for the next five minutes, while trying to keep my composure.
After the party, I snuck into the kitchen and had a talk with Addy.
“Are you really a colored boy?” Addy said.
Addy stared at me as if she was looking at a ghost. She took a deep breath, and began smiling.
Finally, I asked Addy if I could see her some time. She agreed.
The next day, we met up in a forest park, just outside of town. When I arrived, I saw Addy hiding behind a tree. I waved at her to make contact. I had a blanket for us to sit on. We talked for several hours. I told her about my life growing up as a colored boy. I could see that she was intrigued by the conversation. She slowly moved closer and closer toward me. Finally, I asked her about her life.
“Life was always hard, and it still is hard for colored folks.” When I was a very young girl, an old white lady I use to live with showed me how to read and write. That’s how come I know how to speak good English. Mr. Blaine and his family are relatives to the old lady. After she died, they brought me back with them. I been here every since.”
“When I finish medical school, and become a success, how about you come and live with me? We could move to another town far away where no one could find us. This would be the only way we could be together.”
“I don’t know. You still have a lot of schooling ahead of you, and you might decide to marry one of them white ladies. Why don’t we just wait and see.”
“Addy, I don’t want anyone else but you. I’m going to prove to you how much I love you. You’ll see. For now, I have to get back to town.”
On my way back to town, I thought only of Addy, and how beautiful she was. Weeks went by until Addy and I met again. This time we met at a cabin in the woods, which belonged to one of my colleagues.
“Have you lost your mind? What if someone finds us? I think you know what will happen to me. I don’t think this was a very good idea,” Addy said.
“Relax Addy. No one will find us; this is a private cabin on private property. Everything will be fine. Trust me.”
We spent quite a lot of time at the cabin holding each other, and talking. I don’t think either of us knew that we were falling in love.
Addy was so beautiful, and smart. I constantly prayed that one day God would make her my wife one day. Sometimes I would forget my mission, and ask Addy to run off with me. She would always help me to see logic.
Over the next two months, we were meeting at every opportunity we got.
Until, the unthinkable happened. Addy and I met at the cabin as usual. Someone knocked on the door. Addy jumped up and hid in the closet, and I got up to answer the door.
“Hello Blaine. What are you doing here? I thought you were at the campus library with the others.”
“I was looking for Dustin and the guys. Have you seen them?” Blaine said.
“No. I came out here by myself. I wanted to do some studying alone.”
As Blaine turned to leave, he glanced inside the cabin, and saw a ladies shoe in the middle of the floor. He made his way into the room, and insisted that I tell him who the lucky girl was.
I tried to tell Blaine that the shoe was already in the cabin when I arrived, but he didn’t believe me. He walked around the place, and looked in the closets. When he looked in the last guest room closet, he found Addy frantically sitting with her hands over her face.
“Well, what do we have here? Please allow me to help you up. You know, I thought I missed seeing your face at the house.”
He looked at me with a big smile on his face.
“Well, Warren how was she?”
I grabbed Blaine by the arm.
“Listen, Blaine why don’t you leave.”
“Warren what has gotten into you? How long have you been playing house? You know, if I didn’t know any better, I would say your sort of sweet on Addy.”
Blaine walked toward Addy, as if he were going to touch her. As he got closer, I jumped in front of him.
“Get out of here!”
Blaine finally left. Addy was scared and frightened. I held her in my arms, and promised her that nothing like this would ever happen again.
While on my way back to the dorm, I tried to think of something to say to the guys. I knew Blaine would tell everyone about what happened.
When I arrived at my dorm room, there was a big sign on my bed. “Warren Is In Love With A Niger!” I rushed over to my bed, and ripped up the sign. Shortly afterward, Blaine and the other’s came into my room. They all began laughing.
In order to save myself, I put on a big smile, and told everyone that I was just having a good time, and that she didn’t mean anything to me. Wade, whose dorm room was a few doors down from mine, walked up to me.
“Warren, we didn’t know you had it in you. What was it like?”
“Well, it was a waste of time. She wasn’t broken in yet.”
We all laughed, and they eventually left. That night, I felt so bad about what I said; I drank a cup of straight scotch, hoping this would numb my feelings of the terrible lye I had told. I tried praying, but I felt that God would not listen to such a horrible person.
A few days later, I received an anonymous letter. I opened the letter, read it, and noticed that Addy signed it at the bottom. It said: “Warren, I miss you. Please write back. I have to see you soon.”
I held the letter close to my chest. I got on my knees, and asked God to help me get through this. Eventually, I tore up the letter. I was ashamed of myself. I decided that I was going to try and forget about her.
From that moment on, I had convinced myself to live the lye I had desperately tried to dismiss.
I began socializing more and more with my colleagues after class, and on weekends. I also made myself well known to all the young girls, and became very much apart of all the upper class social parties in town.
I began drinking heavily. I was miserable inside, and looked upon myself as a disgrace to my people. I felt like an animal, not worthy of life.
Surprisingly, I still managed to stay in medical school, and make excellent grades. Within a few years, Mr. Alwyn, president of the university, asked me to give lectures to the freshman class. I was thrilled.
Medicine remained to be the love of my life. I took every opportunity given to me in order to become a success.
At every chance I got, I was giving lectures, and working at the nearby hospitals in town. With such a busy agenda, there was no time to think about myself, or the people I hurt.
On weekends, I was still very much a ladies man, and a heavy drinker. I had my way with several of the college girls in town, and tried not to think about any consequences.
Little did I know, my life was about to take a drastic turn for the worst.
One day, as I was walking toward the college campus, I heard a soft voice call out to me. I looked over, and it was none other than Ms. Jordyn Skippworth. She took my breath away. We went across the street to a well-known, upscale clubhouse in town. We talked and drank for hours. The next morning, we woke up in bed together.
I quickly jumped up, and grabbed my cloths. I apologized to Jordyn, and rushed toward the door.
“Relax, what’s the hurry? I thought maybe we could go out to the country later. If you know what I mean,”said Jordyn.
I just looked at her.
“Jordyn, thanks for the invitation, but I’m very sorry. I have to go. Goodbye.”
Two months or so passed before I would hear from Jordyn. She sent me an express letter, saying that she was expecting a child. I sat in the same spot all day long pondering over what I was going to do, and thinking about how badly I would be ostracized by my colleagues. Not to mention the fact that my career as a reputable surgeon would be jeopardized.
I took a deep breath, and began writing. I didn’t know what to say, so I asked her if she would visit me. At the end of the letter, I told her I was willing to support whatever decision she made.
Two weeks passed, and I finally received a reply. She asked if I would meet her at the diner, just down the road from the university. As I walked toward her, she had a peculiar look on her face. I gave her a big hug, and she thanked me for being so supportive in my letter.
“Warren, what am I going to do? My parents will disown me, and all my friends will have nothing more to do with me. Please help me,” she said. As I looked into her pitiful blue eyes, I could only think of one thing. Marriage. Although I did not want to resort to that, it just seemed to be the most practical solution.
“Jordyn, why don’t we get married? We could move far away together where no one knows us.” I was already hoping she would say no, but I had to ask. The last thing I wanted to do was marry her.
With her beautiful blue eyes, she looked up at me, and smiled. I think she knew I was willing to agree to whatever decision she made.
“Warren, we have our whole lives ahead of us.
Why don’t I tell you what has been on my mind? You see, I thought maybe I would have the baby, and then give it up. There are lots of married couples out there that would welcome a newborn child into their home. What do you think?” With a sigh of relief, I said okay.
“I only want us to do what is best for the child. I think giving the child up is a good idea. What will you do in the meantime, and where will you live?”
“My family has a ranch house in a small town in Louisiana. Perhaps I will go there, and stay the duration of the pregnancy. You could come and visit me sometimes. What do you think?"
“Jordyn, I will support you all the way. The sooner you leave the better. We wouldn’t want anyone getting suspicious. Why don’t you get your things together, and I will drive you there.
“Don’t you worry; everything will be all right.”
The next day Jordyn, and I left for Louisiana. When we arrived in town, several of Jordyn’s family members recognized her from a distance, and approached the motor car. They noticed that Jordyn looked a little nervous, and I’m sure they were wondering what was going on.
Eventually, they briefly departed from us, and we continued on to the ranch house. Finally, we reached the ranch house. Jordyn’s parents were there.
“Jordyn, dear what are you doing here? We weren’t expecting to see you so soon. The surprise party for your aunt Patty isn’t until next week. Your father and I are only here to supervise the servants,” said Mrs. Skippworth.
Jordyn was speechless. We got out of the car, and mingled with her folks. Her father looked at me and swears he has seen me somewhere before.
“I got it! It was at the charity luncheon. That was several years ago, but I never forget a face,” said Mr. Skippworth.
Mr. Skippworth was not the introverted type. He wanted to know all about my plans after medical school. After I told him I wanted to open an hospital for the poor, he cleared his throat, and quickly changed the subject.
“Well, what other plans do you have, young man? You must be flowing with ideas for your future.”
He called Jordyn over, and had a private conversation. Without hearing their conversation, I’m sure he wanted to know why she was wasting her time with someone like me….Someone who was not money hungry.
After a while, I told Jordyn we had to tell her parents our news.
Otherwise, after meeting her parents, I knew things were bound to get more complicated than they already were.
The next morning, Jordyn asked both her parents to meet us in the drawing room. As Jordyn, and I sat patiently waiting for them to join us, they finally came in with a puzzled look on their face.
“Have a seat. This shouldn’t take up too much of your time. Mom, dad, Warren and I have some very important news to share with you.”....
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